


We could have it all

by ShipsAreSparksOfLife



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hopeful Ending, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Post 4x22
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-08 22:58:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18904387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShipsAreSparksOfLife/pseuds/ShipsAreSparksOfLife
Summary: Heartbroken. That’s what she felt like. She had lost everything and everyone she loved in a matter of minutes.  She had lost herself too. And now what was left?OrThe one where Lena feels a lot.





	We could have it all

**Author's Note:**

> After this finale, I have a lot of feelings. It's angsty but it's hopeful.

Heartbroken. That’s what she felt like. She had lost everything and everyone she loved in a matter of minutes. She had lost herself too. And now what was left? 

The anger, towards her and herself for ever believing that Kara was different. For being such a fool. Her brother’s body had been dead next to her but she didn’t care about that. The world is better because he isn’t in it. But now in a way she is just like him. A murderer. She hates herself but she hated him more. 

She hates Kara too. At least that’s what she wants to believe. She is blinded by anger, how could she trust someone with everything that she is. Maybe that was her mistake trusting someone, a someone who was just a liar all along. Trusting that she could have someone believe in her, see who she really is. A woman trying to make a name for herself outside of her awful vile family. 

So that’s how she finds herself in this position, yelling at Kara everything that kept her awake the night before. After she had pretended to be fine, she wanted one last game night with her friends, she wanted to see their faces, see until when they were going to push the lie. 

She is standing in the middle of her office, the shattered picture frame on her desk forgotten with her glass of whisky resting on top. She is still so angry, but there’s a bigger part of her that wants to know, to know why all this masquerade. 

“You were my light Kara, you believed in me when no one did not even myself. But you were lying to me all these years, everything was a lie. What did you want from me, for me to be on your side? To keep one Luthor out of the game? Just tell me why?” Everyone she had ever gotten close to had wanted something from her, money, power, sex. 

She is so angry, and she would be damned if she didn’t let Kara know it. Lena approaches Kara with anger in her eyes, mixed with pain, pointing a finger at Kara. She knows if she touched her it would be like hitting a wall, she’s a Kryptonian after all, nothing she can do can hurt her. There is a long moment, no words are spoken, so Lena goes on, she has so much to say. 

“You know why I feel like the utter fool my brother thought me to be? Because I love you Kara, from the moment you walked in my office I have loved you. And I was stupid enough to believe I could ever have that kind of happiness. That I could have you, because all you wanted was a Luthor who didn’t resent you.” Lena is both aware of the fact that she confessed her love to the woman she could never have now. She wonders if in another world she would have gotten the chance to tell her how she feels in a quiet moment after one of their movie night on her couch pressed against Kara’s ever warm skin. What she is also aware of the tears rolling down her cheeks, reddened by anger. 

“It was never because of that Lena,” she takes in a shaky breath. “I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, everything I told you, every moment we shared. They were all true. And I know that now I’m one of the many people who betrayed you, but I honestly thought I was doing it for the right reasons.” Kara looks as she always does, earnest and truthful. Whatever that means now. 

“What reasons? There is no right reason for lying to your best friend for three years!” she is shouting now, because Kara needs to understand that she is hurt, heartbroken. 

“Because it was safer that way, it would have put you in too much danger, I couldn’t bear to lose someone else not when I-” Kara doesn’t get to finish that sentence. 

“Don’t you dare say that you love me, you don’t keep secret from the people you love,” she croaks out, wiping at her tears angrily.

“I don’t just love you Lena, I am in love with you, the kind of love that makes me want to wake up every morning even if I keep watching people I care about get hurt or worse.” Kara bites her lip she holds back a sob. “It’s the kind of love that keeps me going even when the world is about to end, because I know I can’t go yet, not when the woman I am in love with doesn’t know it,” she says it looking at Lena with her beautiful blue eyes who have never looked so honest. “I couldn’t give up because you deserve the truth. I am so sorry that you found out that way and I will keep apologizing every day for the rest of my life for not to telling you.” 

Kara looks desperate, for some kind of confirmation that Lena would allow her to make amends. And Lena feels like even more of a fool because she wants that, she wants for Kara to apologize to tell her everything that she had to keep for herself. She wants to know everything about Kara, about her past, the losses she has experienced, the fights that she had to take on. 

She also wants her to understand that the trust between has been shattered to pieces that rebuilding their friendship will take time. They need to establish new rules for it to work. They need to be honest with each other first and foremost. 

She looks in Kara’s eyes and she sees it, the utter love that she still feels despite everything. 

“I can’t forgive you, not yet. But if what you say is true then I do want us to try to work our way to being friends again.” 

“It’s the truth Lena, it really is, I will do my best to make sure you know how much you mean to me and how sorry I am for lying,” she reaches out to touch Lena’s arm but pulls back at the last moment. 

Lena takes a step back and looks over at Kara wearing her Supergirl suit, the crest of the house of El in the middle of her chest. She sees her, really sees her for who she really is, the hero who saved the world, again. She doesn’t know how she didn’t notice before, maybe she had. She just chose to ignore it, denial was a powerful tool after all. 

“I need time Kara a lot of time,” she whispers because she cant trust her voice anymore.

“You can take as much time as you need, I’ll wait as long as you need me to.” 

Kara walks over to the balcony and with one last look at Lena, she looks defeated, heartbroken. She flies away. Once she is sure that Kara is far away, Lena crumples to the floor sobs wrecking her body. 

She doesn’t contact the next day, nor the day after. Not even the week after. 

 

//

 

She lays awake at night during that first week after not seeing Kara for the longest time they’ve ever been apart. She wonders why Kara didn’t tell her sure, but mostly she asks herself why she didn’t see it, fully see the truth. A fool. Her brother’s words were ringing in her ears. And then she was back in the spiral of self-doubt, she is one of the cleverest people in the world. At least that was what she tried so hard to believe when she was rebuilding the family company from the ashes, finding ways to save it. She thought she had made it. When she helped save Sam, she believed it, that it was possible for her to change her narrative 

She believed it was possible that despite all the trauma, all the crippling hatred towards herself, a part of her wanted to believe that if she showed the world that she was good then they would believe it.

But now?

Now she realizes that Kara didn’t fully trust her. Kara the one who believed in her, who stood by her side. Who held her when she had to make the toughest decision she ever had, when she chose to save Supergirl instead of Jack. She had saved her hero without knowing it. 

She remembers every time she grew more suspicious that Kara was keeping a secret from her, each time she left in a rush, every time she cancelled plans, she should have known. She keeps telling herself that maybe she just wants to forget everything, but there’s this part of her. The part of her that is hopelessly in love with Kara Danvers who is glad to know.

// 

 

Three more weeks pass before Lena realizes that bathing in her own anger and self-hatred isn’t going to bring her closer to her happy ending. She knows what will. 

 

//

That’s how she finds herself knocking on Kara’s door at an ungodly hour. She has a bottle of white wine in her hand, she hangs onto it like her life depends on it. Kara opens the door, she’s wearing sweatpants and a sweater far too big for her, she has a big red blanket on shoulder, her hair in a ponytail. No glasses. She looks beautiful. She lets Lena in and they find themselves in a familiar position they were in a few weeks ago.

“I’ve been through a lot,” she starts. “Well that’s an understatement,” Lena says letting out a mirthless laugh. “Do you know why I pulled the trigger on my own brother?”

Kara looks at her confused. There were more reasons than the two of them could count, but Kara is still curious. “Why did you do it?” 

“Because I wanted to protect the driven journalist who spent so much of her time believing in me and making sure the world knew the Luthor family weren’t all evil. I thought I was protecting you Kara, because the world wasn’t a safe place with him in it and I just wanted you to be safe.”

“Lena I’m-” Kara doesn’t get to finish that sentence because Lena is far too gone. 

“I wanted you to be safe, but I did it for myself too and now I’ve turned into the villain everyone thought I would become all along-” 

“No you’re not, Lena listen to me, you may have killed him but that’s not all you did. You ended years of abuse and manipulation when you pulled that trigger. Of course I wish it hadn’t come to that, but there was only one way Lex was going to stop and it was by killing him,” she reaches for Lena’s hand and this time Lena doesn’t pull away. “I understand that you are hurt and angry, but you are no villain.” 

She sounds so sure, as if she would never believe her to be anything but good. 

She lied. Again and again, before. Lena withdraws her hand from Kara’s warm grasp. 

“How can I know you’re not lying again?” she is so wary about trusting Kara again. 

“I will never lie to you ever again, I promise.” Kara’s eyes are glossy and by the look on her face it’s a promise she is ready to make but never break. “I’m so deeply sorry I hurt you and I want you to know that everything I ever said it was all true, you are the most beautiful person inside and out.”The I love you is unspoken, but Lena knows. Kara takes in a breath she probably doesn’t need. “You deserve your happy ending Lena, you really do,” she says in a soft voice. 

It reminds Lena of the whispered confessions they had made to each other on Lena’s couch in her penthouse, it always seemed so empty except when Kara was there. She had told Kara one night that she was terrified that with everything that happened to her she wouldn’t find happiness that she had cut herself so much from people she didn’t know how it could happen. How she could ever bear everything on her own, Kara had told her she didn’t have to carry everything on her shoulders. She had told her it was okay to ask for help, it was okay to lean on someone. 

Kara who is the strongest person she knows, both mentally and as she had discovered physically. Kara who is also Supergirl, Kara who was one of the two people she had befriended because she really wanted to, Kara who had always been more than a friend. 

“I think you are my happy ending.” Kara’s smile is bright and a tear drops from her eyes. “Before we get to the end we need a fresh start.” Kara’s smile falters a little but when they both look at each other, they see the same thing. 

Hope. 

The hope that no matter how broken they both thought they were, they both deserved to be happy.. They had trust to rebuild, closeness to rediscover, stories to share. In this moment looking at each other they are both sure of one thing. 

They are each other’s happy ending.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, leave a comment or kudos if you liked it.


End file.
